Jokes

Harry was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat". The next morning his wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

An elderly Jamaican couple, in their 80's, went to a sex therapist's office and asks the doctor to watch them have sex. The doc is so amazed at such an elderly couple wanting sexual advise that he agrees. After watching them, the doc says, "There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have sex." He charges them $50 and they go on their way.The couple returns the next week and again ask the doc to watch them have sex. After several weeks of this, the doc finally asked the couple what they wanted him to find out. The old man replies, "we're not trying to find out anything. I'm married, so we can't go to my house, she's married so we can't go to her house. The Holiday Inn charges $98, the Hilton charges $139. We do it...

American: Porch Jamaican: Varanda American: Bathe, Shower Jamaican: Bade, Hol' A Fresh American: Collard Greens, Spinach Jamaican: Callaloo American: Stick Shift (Car) Jamaican: Standard American: Charge It Jamaican: Trus' It American: Can You Give Me A Lift To The Corner Jamaican: Beg Yu A Ride Go Dung Di Street Noh Sah American: Oh My God! Jamaican: Lawd A Mercy American: Excuse Me Jamaican: Beg Yu Pardon American: "You Wanna Fight?", Or "You Want A Piece Of Me" Jamaican: "Touch A Button!" "Touch A Button" American: Where Are You Going? Jamaican: Weh Yuh Deh Go? American: Excuse Me Jamaican: Gi Mi Pass American: Sorry Jamaican: Hush American: The Shoes Is A Little Tight Jamaican: Lawd...

Two West Indians were drinking in a bar and complaining about their bossvthat he was a real pain in the butt always giving them a hard time. The next day they met at bar again and the Bajan began boasting to the Trini, "boy ah cuss out de boss man real good, and when ah done, ah ask 'e fuh a raise and he gih it to me." Trini looked at Bajan in suprise and asked "you mean he did'n fire you?". So the next day Trini went in to work and began to cuss up the boss who looked at him and promptly fired him on the spot. That afternoon when Trini met Bajan in the bar again, he told him what happened earlier. Bajan explained "Trini muh friend, when I cuss de bossman, I cuss he in muh mind."

A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other.After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman's apartment. "I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget," said the woman, "especially with the size difference and all.""Just take off your cloths, lie back on the bed, spread your legs apart and close your eyes," said the midget. The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest thing she'd ever experienced inside her.Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times. "If you think that was good," said the midget with a smirk, "Just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!"

A jealous husband hires a private detective to follow his wife and check on her movements. The husband explains to the P.I., that he wanted more than just a written report, he wanted a video of his wife's activities. A week later, the detective returns with the evidence. They sit down together, and begin to watch the action. Although the quality has much to be desired, the husband sees his wife meeting another man! He watches as they frolic and laugh at the park. He's mesmerized as they enjoy themselves at an outdoor cafe and then dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. By the end of the video, he witnesses this stranger and his wife participating in over a dozen different activities, and all with utter glee. "I just can't...

A Jamaican couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened...but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs. and say "whey the bloodcloth" A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail. In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened. 'Your honor, we jus a dance, and the man jus ran up and kick the gal between she legs.' 'That must have hurt,'' said the judge. ''No kidding,'' said the best man. ''It bruk up three a mi finga dem.'

A Guyanese man is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam, when a Trini man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Guyanese ignores the Trinidadian who, nevertheless starts a conversation Trini: "You Guyanese folks eat the whole bread?" Guyanesein a bad mood): "stupid, of course." (Trini after blowing a huge bubble) " We don't. In Trinidad, we only eat what's inside. The crust we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Guyana. The Trini has a smirk on his face, and the Guyanese man listens in silence. Trini: " Do you eat jelly with the bread? Guyanese: " Of course we do." (Trini cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We...

"Mi old, but mi nuh cold" [Do not underestimate the value of the elderly] "Every mikkle mek a mukkle" [Every little bit counts] "Every dawg has his day and every puss his 4 o'clock" [Today for me, tomorrow for you] "Cock mouth kill cock" [Watch your mouth, it can get in the great trouble!] "Sorry fi mawga dog, mawga dog wi tun round bite you" [Sometimes it is those whom we help who are the least grateful "Duppy know who fi frighten" [Bullies pick on those who can defend themselves the least] "De olda de moon, de brigher it shines" [The older a person is, the wiser] "Hog say, 'de first dutty water mi ketch, mi wash'." [Make use of the first opportunities that comes your way] "One eye man a king in blind man country". [No...

A Jamaican and a Trinidadian, waiting at the heavens gates, strike up a conversation. How did you die?' the Trinidadian man asked the Jamaican. I froze to death mon, said the Jamaican. That's awful! How does it feel to freeze to death? asked the Trinidadian. Well brother, it was very uncomfortable at first but when the cold hit, my whole body started to shake and I got pain in my fingers and toes. Eventually, it came, a very calm way to die. I got numb and then I just driffed off, like dying in a sleep. So how did you die Mon?' asked the Jamaican. I had a heart attack, says the Trinidadian. You see, I did believe my wife was cheating on me, so one day I show up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom and found...